By Dray Breezy
In order to understand the effect that divorce would have on children, how the divorce plays out is a large variable in the outcome. For many children what is most traumatic is when both parents go from loving each other to despising each other. That experience for any child can cause trust and abandonment issues. Divorce undoubtedly causes trauma in both the parents and the child. This essay will attempt to examine the effect on both parents and children and the possible ways to alleviate or lessen the trauma.
While the damage to an adult may be severe, the damage to a child could be permanent. Divorce can be very bitter for the two adult parties involved. Most couples get married under the phrase, “till death do us part”. That promise is a heavy burden to bear, and many couples crumble under the pressure. Divorce ensues and suddenly everything the couple owns has to be split, including all assets, money, furniture, jewelry, property, and friends. The emotional stress of divorce is highly chronicled and can be witnessed through music, cinema, and performance art. How can we alleviate this? Society as a whole should not place huge emphasis on a traditional form of marriage. This archaic concept no longer fits into our evolving society. The institution of marriage was created because it benefited the nomadic/pre-colonial people’s population control. We have far evolved past that time. Being that the divorce rate is steadily rising; many of us have realized that our concept of the American Dream may need to evolve as well.
Children don’t understand the subtleties of marriage and they certainly don’t understand how love works. Most just know that society tells them that their Mother and Father are supposed to be together. In many cases divorce or estrangement of parents can shatter that perception. Disillusionment can be frightening and traumatic to a child. What can also be traumatic is when the child then becomes a pawn in the battle of a bitter divorce. Many times parents will use the children as bargaining chips, which then begins a fierce custody battle. When divorce gets to this level or intensity the damage to a child is irrevocable. The most important concept that both parties of a divorce should agree to is keeping all children absent from the proceedings. Most children are purely emotional and the harshness of any divorce is scarring to mental and emotional growth. If possible parents should attempt therapy with each other and the children in order to keep the lanes of communication and respect open and flowing.
While divorce or separation highlights the flaws of a pseudo-religious, patriarchal, monogamous society, the concept of marriage (fully removed from society) is a enlightening one. The idea of two people merged as one for the benefit of the community represents a symbolic progression in the consciousness of humankind. In realizing that through unity there is strength is an idea that resonates through the Earth and the closer we are to that ideal, the closer we are to singularity.